A Map

Lines

1. Bubbles

A bubble in the midst of chaos,

Impenetrable by fear or anxiety.

Chaos around: honk, rustle, talk: calm within,

A safe haven of sorts.

The bubble is burst when boundaries are broken.

A slimy clear liquid secretes all around.

Soaked. Cold. Wet. The calmness exists somewhere

But not here.

Too close is another beating heart

Whose anxious energy leaks to my side of the bench.

Back away slowly…carefully…

Pretend to Disappear.

If you believe strong enough,

Fully enough

Things may come true.

Believe and you may achieve.

Such metaphorical bullshit when rooted in reality.

Nothing goes as planned

Chaos overrides and dominates existence.

Accept that and you may achieve.

2. Frogs

Place two on this god-forsaken journey.

Crouched like a frog,

Not seated because the earth doesn’t allow that.

No sun reaches here and I grow evermore cynical

With each passing moment.

I am surrounded by nature yet

Dominated by noise: horrible, maddening noise.

Perceived or true? I could not say.

I know nothing these days.

How could I? In a process of waiting.

Limbo more accurately

No ground to rely on.

I must remain crouched.

The noise is the croaking of my throat signally

My readiness to pounce, to flee, to run.

Nothing is certain.

Except perhaps the sun does not come down here.

3. Trees

A canopy over top and a nightmare within.

They tell me I am held, protected in love.

That love is bigger, transcends.

It is fucking messed up.

Life, circumstance. Canopy or not, no one can guarantee security.

I live in turbulent waters

With nothing more than a life jacket.

Sometimes I am pulled under

And love can’t do shit to save me.

My lungs become filled with the saltwater of my tears.

Trees once offered me peace. I don’t know that word anymore.

Just characters, shapes in space taking up space.

They mean nothing.

Meaningless: trees and noise and thoughts and love.

I am rendering them all meaningless.

4. Vanity

The trees are taller over here.

They tower over my head.

When I look up I feel powerful because

The trees look powerful. They are

Skinny.

That makes me angry because I used to be thin,

But they sent me away and filled my hollow body.

Made my shell a person again.

Now I am not sick and my mom is and

The world makes no sense to me.

It appears like a mirror reflecting

My own pathetic weaknesses back to me.

I see it!

God damn it, I see it!

I wish I could reach out and shatter the glass,

But you can’t shatter your existence.

Believe me. I tried.

No matter how unstable life may become,

You are irreversibly fused and have been since the day

You enter this topsy turvy world.

Just because you breathed, no power can separate you two.

5. Time

The ticking of the clock is driving me insane.

I want to get up and violently rip the batteries out

And smash the stupid glass frame.

Stop talking! No one wants to hear your voice.

It is so irritating and nasally.

My life is a vortex.

It has transported me to this room with couches.

A woman with a badge forces me to eat.

Eating is a chore. It makes me exhausted

And sore

Like I have just run the Chicago marathon.

I miss the trees and I am angry to be trapped inside this box.

The woman with the badge has encouraged

Me to put away my notebook. I glare at her and keep writing.

Fuck you.

Leave me alone.

My life is in shambles.

My mom has cancer.

The my inner workings are reflected in the ticking of the clock.

A time bomb,

That at any moment may

E

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!!!!!!